How do I get over the grief of losing my loved one? is a question I hear all the time. I wish I could offer a magic formula. Many of my clients struggle with this one. There seems to be a belief that there is a destination called “getting over” that we’re heading to. Not true.
Here’s the harsh, cold, truth of reality. You won’t ever get over it. Nor do you have to.
But you do have to honor it. That means make room for it in your heart, create a loving and compassionate space for it, and allow it to change you for the better.
Here are five tips to help you make peace with your pain:
- Open yourself up to how nature works. This will help you see that everything in nature undergoes the cycles of birth, maturity, aging, death, and rebirth. We are all part of this cycle too and cannot escape it. When we work in harmony with this law, we ease into acceptance even when we’re grieving.
- Be present to the ones who are still with you. It is easy to forget those we love who are still in our lives as we constantly mourn those who have died or left us. Remind yourself how lucky you are to have friends, family, supportive neighbors, and caring coworkers who are still a part of your life. Never forget to tell them how much they mean to you.
- Find people who can sit with you in the fire of loss. Not everyone can take the heat. Sometimes you may need to find a new tribe of folks who know what it is to be in pain and not rush you, judge you, or abandon you. These folks will understand and embrace you for who you are NOW. Let the old go, let the new emerge.
- Allow yourself to feel. Cry. Rant. Punch a pillow. Journal. Whatever helps, do it. What helped today may not work tomorrow. Ask the question of what seems most healing to your heart each new day. Then go do it.
- Give to another what you seek. Whether it is love, money, companionship, or a listening ear, the universe will send you exactly what you need when you can become the source of it for someone else. Service releases dopamine, the feel-good hormone, into your bloodstream and lifts your mood. The spiritual and emotional benefits are many. What you send out boomerangs right back to you.
There’s no magic answer to the question: How do I get over the grief of losing my loved one? But if you’d like some guidance, a good place to start would be a Single Session.