The Bitter Projector
The bitter Projector is a projector who is out of alignment. Think of bitterness as the red flag the universe waves at a Projector when they’re off track. This is called a projector’s not-self theme. When we’re aligned, we’re responding from Self, or the wise part of ourselves.
Traditionally we’ve been taught to avoid “bad” or “negative” feelings like the plague. “Push away feelings that don’t feel good” is bad advice many people grew up with. This means we often don’t know how to think of, and hold space, for our not-self theme.
What does bitterness feel like? To me it feels like:
a bad taste in the mouth, disappointment, anger, my energy shrinking, or a feeling that I’m invisible. I don’t feel seen or valued.
Bitterness often shows up when we’re trying to live like someone else, especially when we know it’s not a right fit for us.
This not-self theme arrives in the voice of:
- “I can’t believe she doesn’t even want to know what I think about this situation.”
- “For the amount of money she pays me per session she expects me to respond to 3 emails between sessions??!”
- “I don’t want to do this but I feel like I should because everyone else is doing it.”
Often we’re quick to blame the situation or the person who triggers our bitterness. Someone didn’t bother to ask us for our opinion and we have a good one. A client is making demands that create pressure within us. We feel the need to mimic someone successful and fit in because that’s what everyone else is doing.
Bitterness is an invitation to look inward and reflect upon where we decided to play small, didn’t want to disappoint someone, or failed to say what needed to be said.
In reviewing the examples I offered earlier, this is how we can choose to reframe it.
“I can’t believe she doesn’t even want to know what I think about this situation.”
(Why am I hanging out with people who don’t recognize my gifts and invite my opinion??)
“For the amount of money she pays me per session she expects me to respond to 3 emails between sessions??!”
(Why am I shying away from charging what I need to feel valued and nourished?)
“I don’t want to do this but I feel like I should because everyone else is doing it.”
(Where have I got off track in the way that I express my unique genius?)
I’ve lived enough life to know that as a projector, bitterness is my best friend. So when it shows up, I pull up a chair for it, pour a cup of tea and say, “Tell me what you have to say.” Bitterness contains a wealth of wisdom IF we’re willing to be brutally honest about:
- not feeling seen
- over giving and undercharging
- pleasing others to keep the peace
- taking care of others so we can feel okay
- not having the tough conversations we need to
When I am willing and open to a dialogue with bitterness, it always eventually leads me back to flow and ease. Yes, it might require me to endure some short-term discomfort like saying No to someone or charging what I need even if it means having to wait for an aligned client to show up.
As a Projector, what’s your relationship with bitterness like? I’d love to sit in session with you to help you find what feels like success for you. Book a 60-minute Single Session.