What I Learned From Anger
In my twenties and thirties, anger was my weapon of choice. Growing up with an alcoholic father and a people-pleasing mother, I soon realized that being angry prevented others from taking advantage of me. Anger helped me feel powerful, strong, and in control. I stormed through life, defending and protecting myself against every threat, insult, and should that came…
Read MoreWhat Is Your Legacy?
One of my favorite pastimes is to watch old reruns of the decades-ago sitcom Three’s Company. I adore John Ritter (the young chef who shares an apartment with two girls) and his antics. He makes me laugh in a switch-off-my-brain-and-just-enjoy kind of way. The popular sitcom ended in America in the early eighties, which is the time I was…
Read More3 Powerful Lessons I Learned from A Simple Word
I was in bad shape in January 2009. My mother’s death at age 68 plunged me into an ocean of grief. I could barely see the shore. Here’s what I told myself over and over. Life from here on is unending sorrow. I’ll never recover from this. I can’t bear this pain. This is simply…
Read MoreResponding to Grief And Loss
When we encounter loss, we feel like we’re in a foreign country. We don’t speak the language and don’t have a map. Nobody taught us how to do grief. We didn’t learn it from our parents. We didn’t learn it in school. We didn’t grow up with the vocabulary of loss. So when loss…
Read MoreSlowing Down Grief
Grief has a rhythm all its own. In our haste to speed our recovery, we rush around frenetically trying to find the instant-formula, or 3-quick-steps to grief relief. We make our expectations clear to a coach or counselor: I don’t have too much time. I need to get over this grief thing asap. Do you specialize in…
Read MoreGrieving is A Form of Self-Care
I’m big on self-care. I’ve come to realize that the work I do — holding space for the grieving, listening to stories of loss, researching, reading, and writing on topics related to the end of life — requires that I indulge in down time. The more I invest in me, the more I have to give…
Read MoreDo You Feel Your Feelings?
I remember a moment during my intense grief over my mother’s death. I was sitting on the oatmeal-colored carpet in our living space, tears streaming down my face. My husband looked at me, sighed, and asked the question: “Haven’t you cried enough?” I didn’t know back then what I know today. I didn’t have the…
Read MoreWhy Anger Feels Better Than Forgiveness
I can’t forgive him for what he did to me. Can’t open myself up to being hurt again. She was clearly wrong…no doubt about it. I have said all of the above. Maybe so have you. To forgive someone I’m in a conflict with feels like being asked to write with my left hand (I’m…
Read MoreHow Rushing Around Is Killing You
Do you find yourself saying one or more of the following? My boss wants me to have this done by yesterday. I wish there were 48 hours in a day! There’s just never enough time. What do I do for myself? I have no time for ME! You’re so not alone. Most people find themselves…
Read MoreConnect With A Tribe of Grievers Who Get You
I don’t know about you, but I love workshops and conferences. Back when I was grieving hard and didn’t feel like I was understood by most people, conferences on Healing from Loss were a great way for me to connect with my tribe. People who were walking in similar shoes. People who were speaking a…
Read More