Grief Healing Tip #3: Take Care of Unfinished Emotional Business
I hate that I didn’t call Mom enough.
I never got to say I’m sorry.
I thought we had more time — and now I wish I’d done things differently.
Guilt.
Regrets.
Undelivered forgiveness and love.
It is a heavy baggage our soul lugs around for a lifetime.
It is one of the biggest obstacles that keeps us stuck in the rut of grief — and gets in the way of healing.
We all think we have more time. So we put off until tomorrow what can be — and what sometimes needs to be — done today.
I’ll call Dad tomorrow. I’m bushed today.
I don’t want to be the first to say Sorry — she was the one who stopped talking to me.
I’ll write that apology email when I’m able to free up some time.
And then, the unthinkable happens. Someone dies. Someone moves out of state. Someone gets married. Because time stops for no one. And you’re left holding the pieces of your broken heart…and all those things you said or didn’t get to say, did or didn’t get to do.
Clearing up unfinished business on a soul level is essential to complete healing. What if my loved one has passed on, you ask. Completion on an energetic level is still possible. I teach my clients many ways to release and clean up what remained unfinished during their loved one’s time on earth.
Clean up what remains unfinished. Don’t wait another second.
Take Action Now
1. Open up your journal.
2. Close your eyes and bring to mind one or two emotional incompletions that continue to haunt you.
3. Write them down.
4. Write down the smallest next step you can take. This sets your intention to complete the incompletion.
Example #1:
Incompletion: My mom lives in a retirement home and I don’t visit as often as I’d like to because I’m so busy.
Action Step: Mark off 2 dates on your calendar to take your mom out to lunch.
Example #2:
Incompletion: My sister and I were never close and she died suddenly. I feel so guilty.
Action Step: Think about all the ways you can express your deepest feelings to her and choose one.
Check out my memoir Losing Amma, Finding Home.
Thank you so much for this
I am struggling with my mum’s death….unfinished business. I wanted to do more for my mother before she died but unfortunately she passed away in the days where l was unemployed since 2019 and trying to look for a new job. She died in July 2021. Some projects l have been doing where still in motion and some on hold. How do l move on from this unfinished business
I will be more grateful for your response.
Dear Olinda,
I’m so sorry for your mother’s loss. I hope you have family and good friends supporting you on this difficult journey.
Unfinished business revolves around the things you didn’t get to say and do before your loved one passed away.
I ask that you hold yourself with deep compassion at this time. You did the best with what you knew. Finding a job to support yourself was a pretty important priority.
What needs to be finished will be part of your healing journey. Allow it time and space in your life. I have an entire course on this which you can read about at the following link: https://umagirish.vipmembervault.com/products/courses/view/1059273
Sending you many blessings,
Uma
Dear Uma, I have 3 deaths. My Dad, my husband, and a dear friend of 22years. My Dad died in 2004 and left me some personal stuff. My brother would not let me return to Texas to get these items. I have not spoken to him in 17 years. My husband had a really massive heart attack in 2008. I miss him dearly. And then on Wednesday my dear friend passed. This has had several issues. Keep in mind that I never was able to say goodbye. This causing me tremendous pain. There are no grave sites to go to as they were cremated. How do I come to terms with this? It’s making me sick. Not to mention the heartbreaking feelings that I have. I would be grateful for any advice you could share with me. Sincerely, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
I am so sorry for your many losses. I cannot even imagine the kind of pain you must be immersed in. I will respond to you via email. I can say more then. Be kind to yourself, is what I’m feeling most called to say.