grieving is self care

I’m big on self-care. I’ve come to realize that the work I do — holding space for the grieving, listening to stories of loss, researching, reading, and writing on topics related to the end of life — requires that I indulge in down time. The more I invest in me, the more I have to give…

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feeling your feelings

I remember a moment during my intense grief over my mother’s death. I was sitting on the oatmeal-colored carpet in our living space, tears streaming down my face. My husband looked at me, sighed, and asked the question: “Haven’t you cried enough?” I didn’t know back then what I know today. I didn’t have the…

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why anger feels better than forgiveness

I can’t forgive him for what he did to me. Can’t open myself up to being hurt again. She was clearly wrong…no doubt about it. I have said all of the above. Maybe so have you. To forgive someone I’m in a conflict with feels like being asked to write with my left hand (I’m…

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Do you find yourself saying one or more of the following? My boss wants me to have this done by yesterday. I wish there were 48 hours in a day! There’s just never enough time. What do I do for myself? I have no time for ME! You’re so not alone. Most people find themselves…

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Renew

I don’t know about you, but I love workshops and conferences. Back when I was grieving hard and didn’t feel like I was understood by most people, conferences on Healing from Loss were a great way for me to connect with my tribe. People who were walking in similar shoes. People who were speaking a…

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Golden Gate Bridge

It’s exactly one week since we arrived in sunny San Francisco. A blur of a week because we’ve been apartment-hunting, car-shopping, and getting our bearings. I’m figuring out the Muni (tram) and ferry transits and it’s been an interesting experience after living in suburban Chicago and driving everywhere. This is change we chose. Even though…

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Grief has a way of parking us up in our head. When we lose someone we dearly love, or something we cherish like a job, a home, or a country we love, fear is the first response. Confused by the loss of certainty, the brain, feels scrambled. The monkey mind takes over and does not…

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I grew up in an alcoholic home. My father struggled with alcoholism for many years until AA found him and he cleaned up. I was a teenager and for me this was a painful secret I felt I had to hide from my friends. So I buttoned up and said nothing. Instead, I pretended that…

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Your brain deletes stuff when you're grieving

In the weeks and months after my mother’s death, I thought I was going crazy.  I couldn’t read a page without feeling like I’d lost my mind. Because when I got to the end of the page I no longer remembered what I’d just read. I forgot characters’ names, locations, and just couldn’t hold on…

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Grief does change shape

In the early weeks and months after my mother died, I felt like I was walking around without skin. Everything hurt. The pain of loss was excruciating. I felt confused, disoriented, and ungrounded.  It was the first time in life that I felt totally alone. Not just because my mother had died, but because I…

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