My Failed Attempts to Improve My Life

flipping through the pages of a book

My failed attempts to improve my life have taught me an important lesson: all my attempts to fix myself are at the level of my ego. I need to let that go.

I believe with every cell in my being that I am an old soul. A part of me has known this even when I was a little girl. As I grew into my twenties and thirties, I wanted to live up to that cherished ideal. To be an old soul in a world which wasn’t always kind or just or loving.

But I failed and failed miserably. I really, really wanted to do the right thing, to be the bigger person. Yet, I found myself reverting to patterns of behavior that made me feel bad about myself and wondered why I couldn’t get it right.

I binged on self-help books.

I watched all the old, old Oprah shows we got on Indian television, and made serious notes.

I discussed self-help with anyone who would listen (maybe believing that speaking about the stuff would make it stick).

I watched my thoughts and tried to choose better thoughts.

Unfortunately, everything worked for about two days. And I was back to feeling the need to defend, argue, justify, resent, and blame.

It took my mother’s death in January 2009 for me to finally understand what was going on.

I was doing everything I possibly could to “fix” myself on the level of my personality.

The work I did to heal my broken heart with my Spiritual Mentor for 2.5 years was what shifted everything for me. And here’s why:

1) I stopped trying to explain my personality with one more psychological theory from a book or teacher.

2) I gave up the need to “justify” the alcoholic home I grew up in as the reason for why I was who I was.

3) I let go of the comforting stories that it was my childhood deprivations that had created all my neuroses.

I finally woke up to the magnificence of the Soul that I came here to be.

And it changed EVERYTHING.

  • I began to look at my past and my parents as gifts. 
  • I cultivated deep gratitude for my life story.
  • I focused on my life purpose and began to live it.

It was Spiritual Mentoring that changed my life, because I stopped living at the level of my personality consciousness and began living at the level of my soul consciousness.

I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing this feels.

No matter what your struggles–money, health, loss, relationships, or the lack of meaningful work–understanding this from the point of view of your soul unlocks the door to everything you desire.

Here’s why: The number one problem why your life feels difficult is because of your lack of alignment.

But when you know exactly what to do, how to do it, and in what order, your life must change. And it will.

My failed attempts to improve my life were the best things because they led me to Spiritual Mentoring. 

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