Grief and the Head Center in Human Design

The study of grief and the Head center in Human Design helps us understand how we “think” about the experience we’re moving through.

When we’re grieving–whether it’s the loss of someone we love, an identity we’re being called to shed, a geographic move, or the end of a season that was special–we have a tendency to “think grief through.”

Trapped in the information and overconsumption age, we believe that if we can figure something out we can control it. Most of our attempts are focused on reading on the topic, researching it, listening to podcasts, watching YouTube videos…

Somehow we believe that if we know enough about the topic it will give us mastery over our struggle.

Not true.

We can’t think our way out of difficult emotions; we can only experience them in the body.

When my clients share with me that they’ve been reading or watching this or that, I usually ask them to stop and give themselves space for a while.

  • Grief needs spaciousness.

  • Grief needs time.

  • Grief needs patience and a willingness to feel whatever rises up in you.

Thinking about something, no matter how long you think, will not make it go away.

There’s an aspect of Human Design called your defined and undefined centers. Of the nine geometric shapes in our Human Design chart, some are defined (colored in) and others, undefined (white).

When a center is colored in, we have reliable energy there. It’s our strength. It is how we impact others with our energy and transmit who we are to the world: in the way we think, speak, what we believe, how we behave etc.

When a center is white, we are sensitive to others’ energy. We’re vulnerable and take in this energy from others.

We can live from the wisdom or the shadow of a defined or undefined center.

Let’s understand this by using the head center as an example.

In Human Design, the Head center is the home of inspiration and uplifting insights. It is a center that creates pressure within us to make sense of things.

If you have a defined head center (colored in): In your highest potential, you’re a powerhouse of inspiration. You’re full of ideas, always asking questions, and want to understand the world around you.

If you’re grieving and living in the shadow of this center:

  • you feel a lot of mental pressure to understand what happened, how it happened, why it happened etc. Why did they die? What happens when we die? Is there an afterlife?

  • you feel anxious because of your need to understand and explain things immediately. I have to, I have to, I have to…

  • you make incorrect commitments just to relieve the pressure building up in your head. I’m going to book an appointment with a medium because I want answers right now.

If you’re living in the wisdom of your defined center:

  1. You allow insights to arrive when the time is right.

  2. You view confusion and doubt as natural parts of the process.

  3. You wait for your ideas to ripen before you share them.

If you have an undefined head center (white): In your highest potential, you don’t feel the need to chase after every idea that comes your way. You enjoy exploring the big questions without the pressure to figure out the answers right now. You’re patient and trust that clarity will come in time.

If you’re grieving and living in the shadow of this center:

  • you feel the pressure to pursue every idea that shows up. I’m gonna join an online grief group, sign up for a breath work class, read this book, watch that video…

  • you feel pulled in many directions and don’t know where to focus: I should do laundry. I have to pay bills. Need to drive to the grocery store for milk. My hair is a mess, so I need to call the hairdresser.

  • you have an endless to-do list and feel overwhelmed just looking at it and end your day having done nothing.

If you’re living in the wisdom of your undefined center:

  1. you prioritize what needs to get done

  2. you don’t make decisions based on other people’s excitement

  3. you don’t chase every idea that shows up

Grief can play havoc with your Head center. If you’d like some support in moving away from thinking about your loss to feeling your grief  please reach out here. Or book a Human Design reading with me to understand how your design affects how you grieve.

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