When we come into "matter" it is our mother that we meet first. She is our first home. She is our first relationship. She is our introduction to life. As we swim in her amniotic fluid for nine long months, mother-and-child are ONE single unit. We feel everything she feels. When she's distracted, we think there's something wrong with us. That we're somehow "not enough" to keep her attention.
All the unhealed traumas she's bearing are visited upon us. Maybe she and dad were in a rocky relationship. Maybe she lost a parent. Maybe a baby died in the womb where you were growing. Maybe there were financial challenges. Everything she lived through -- war, natural disasters, personal tragedies -- affected her emotional state, and by extension, yours.
The Mother Wound is the most primal wound of all.
It is wounding we inherit in the womb. It has the deepest imprint on us because we were formed and shaped by it. It becomes the template for how we live life and are limited by life.
You and I arrived here as perfect and whole, our God-selves. But when the mother wound kicked in and we had to learn how to survive, we constructed an ego-self. This self was complete by the time we were six years old.
WE had to learn to adapt and survive in our environment, our home.
If your mom raged all the time, you learned to hide and stay invisible. If she was physically present but emotionally absent, you tried to take care of her, be responsible, and morph into the sweet little girl whom she'd finally love.
This is the self we carry into adulthood.
We take our nice, sweet selves to work, into romantic partnerships, and friendships. We carry our fears, insecurities, and emotional longings and contort ourselves into someone "they want us to be."
We never feel good enough. We depend on external validation and affirmation to feel worthy. We overextend and overcommit and worship at the altar of Giving and Productivity.
This is why healing your mother wound is the most important work you'll ever do. All the other personal development work needs the soil of this healing to root into.
It is part of our adult responsibility to do the work of healing the mother wound so that we can be happy, fulfilled, and free.
In my next blog, I’ll share more about how your mother wound keeps you stuck in sabotaging behaviors.