What I Learned From Anger

In my twenties and thirties, anger was my weapon of choice. Growing up with an alcoholic father and a people-pleasing mother, I soon realized that being angry prevented others from taking advantage of me. Anger helped me feel powerful, strong, and in control. I stormed through life, defending and protecting myself against every threat, insult, and should that came…

Read More

Attachment And The Pain Of Loss

I once received a great question from a workshop participant. She was struggling through the loss of a beloved friend. Here’s the question she asked me.  “Should I avoid attachment so that I avoid the pain of loss?” The Buddhist view is that suffering is caused by attachment. They say that the more you attach…

Read More

Are You Ready to Transform Your Pain into Purpose?

Another year is drawing to a close. When you look back at Jan-Dec. 2018, what do you see? Which parts do you like and wish to carry forward? Which parts do you want to leave behind? Now look to 2019. How do you want to live this year? What do you want for your health,…

Read More

The No. 1 Reason Why We Don’t Heal

About fifteen years ago, I had a pain in my gut that just refused to go away. It was a case of bad acidity. It kept me from enjoying the foods I loved, and made my gut very sensitive. I tried ignoring it, medicating it, praying about it, and waiting for a miracle. Nothing helped.…

Read More

3 Mistakes That Complicate Your Grief Experience

When we’re grieving, we look for anything that will stop the pain. In a hurry to get to the other side of the grief experience, we can get tripped up by the three mistakes that I’m going to caution you about. When you know these three mistakes, you can become aware and see if you’re making…

Read More

The Purpose of Grief

why grief

Every sad ending contains the seeds of a new happy beginning. I know this for sure and have lived through it myself. In a recent phone call, this truth was revealed to me one more time. One of my jobs as a hospice volunteer is to make follow-up phone calls to bereaved family members. How the conversation will…

Read More

Grief and Gratitude

grief and gratitude

When the death of a loved one knocks us down, gratitude is the farthest thing from our minds.  And it is okay to honor that you don’t feel it. More likely, you’re angry, bitter, and feeling abandoned by your loved one in some sense. Feelings aren’t always logical and it’s important to go with the flow.…

Read More

To all my motherless friends…

motherless daughters

I write this post with tears streaming down my face. Mother’s Day is always hard. It reminds me that the hole in my soul will never go away, no matter how many years go by. It reminds me of the love and tenderness with which my mother nourished me, something that helps me love well today.…

Read More

Your pain can be another’s gain

losing amma

I’ve been in Chennai, India, for two weeks now. This is my first trip back home after both my parents went home to their Maker. My mother in January 2009, my father in August 2010. In my sister’s apartment where I’m staying is a precious remnant of my mother’s life. It is a sheet of…

Read More

Wishes for the Grieving Heart

wishes for the grieving heart

Wishes for the Grieving and Healing Heart opens with a heartwarming story of the water bug that turns into a dragonfly–a perfect metaphor for the transformation from physical form to spirit. It heralds a significant truth: When you lose someone you love, life will never be the same; you will never be the same. But…

Read More