What I Learned From Anger

In my twenties and thirties, anger was my weapon of choice. Growing up with an alcoholic father and a people-pleasing mother, I soon realized that being angry prevented others from taking advantage of me. Anger helped me feel powerful, strong, and in control. I stormed through life, defending and protecting myself against every threat, insult, and should that came…

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Am I Doing Grief Wrong?

I get this question ALL the time. Many of my clients come to me with this big, scary doubt chewing up their brain: Am I doing grief wrong? And ten times out of ten, my answer is NO. What does “doing grief wrong” look like? Here are some common answers from my clients: I’m crying…

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Do You Feel Your Feelings?

feeling your feelings

I remember a moment during my intense grief over my mother’s death. I was sitting on the oatmeal-colored carpet in our living space, tears streaming down my face. My husband looked at me, sighed, and asked the question: “Haven’t you cried enough?” I didn’t know back then what I know today. I didn’t have the…

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How Too Much Spirituality Can Hurt You

Recently I worked with a client (we’ll call her Brenda) whose mother was diagnosed with a rare illness. The illness caused limited mobility, episodes of forgetting, and an inability to work at the non-profit, a job she loved. Now Brenda had to do everything from making her meals, driving her to doctor’s appointments and handling…

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Grief Healing Tip #2: No map or timeline

grief has no map or timeline

As a culture we navigate our lives via Google’s search engine. We rely on Google Maps to tell us how and when we’ll get everywhere. We love 1-2-3’s, how-to’s, and formulas. Unfortunately, there is no reliable GPS, or 6-step formula that can help us navigate our grief journey. When will the pain end? is a question people ask…

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Slowing Down Grief

grief, slowing down grief, easy grief

Grief has a rhythm all its own. In our haste to speed our recovery, we rush around frenetically trying to find the instant-formula, or 3-quick-steps to grief relief. We make our expectations clear to a coach or counselor: I don’t have too much time. I need to get over this grief thing asap. Do you specialize…

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How Do You Say Goodbye?

saying goodbye

A couple of months ago, my family and I were at King’s Cross Station in London. My 21-year-old daughter was taking a connection to Leavesden, the studio where the famous Harry Potter movies were filmed. It was a huge day for her, an ardent Potter fan, a longed-for moment that had finally arrived. As she prepared to leave, I…

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10 Ways to Cope with a Difficult Loss

coping with difficult losses

When you lose a loved one, grief knocks you over no matter how strong you are. Here are ten strategies that will help you in coping with the transition. 1) Feel your Feelings. Allow feelings to bubble up to the surface: shock, anger, denial, sadness, fear. Everyone’s grief is as individual as their fingerprints, so…

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“Being” with the dying

being with the dying

In Last Acts of Kindness: Lessons for the Living from the Bedsides of the Dying, Judith Redwing Keyssar writes: “People tend to do what makes them feel comfortable when a loved one is dying. In an attempt to control their emotions, some make food, some drink, others make plans and others take long walks. There…

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