The past is not a problem to be solved. The past is a part of you that you're meant to outgrow.

A common theme I hear from clients all the time is this: I need to keep working on me. This comment makes me sad. It tells me that most people think there’s something inherently wrong with them, that they’re fundamentally flawed in some way. This is why they feel the need to spend endless hours…

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Our real journey begins when we surrender the destination.

We learn about the five stages of grief. We read about how the second year might feel when compared to the first. We want to get to 2022 because we believe we will be feeling much better then. What if you could let go of the need for a clear path…and let grief be a…

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In my twenties and thirties, anger was my weapon of choice. Growing up with an alcoholic father and a people-pleasing mother, I soon realized that being angry prevented others from taking advantage of me. Anger helped me feel powerful, strong, and in control. I stormed through life, defending and protecting myself against every threat, insult, and should that came…

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grief, slowing down grief, easy grief

Grief has a rhythm all its own. In our haste to speed our recovery, we rush around frenetically trying to find the instant-formula, or 3-quick-steps to grief relief. We make our expectations clear to a coach or counselor: I don’t have too much time. I need to get over this grief thing asap. Do you specialize in…

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why anger feels better than forgiveness

I can’t forgive him for what he did to me. Can’t open myself up to being hurt again. She was clearly wrong…no doubt about it. I have said all of the above. Maybe so have you. To forgive someone I’m in a conflict with feels like being asked to write with my left hand (I’m…

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Grief has a way of parking us up in our head. When we lose someone we dearly love, or something we cherish like a job, a home, or a country we love, fear is the first response. Confused by the loss of certainty, the brain, feels scrambled. The monkey mind takes over and does not…

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I grew up in an alcoholic home. My father struggled with alcoholism for many years until AA found him and he cleaned up. I was a teenager and for me this was a painful secret I felt I had to hide from my friends. So I buttoned up and said nothing. Instead, I pretended that…

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Your brain deletes stuff when you're grieving

In the weeks and months after my mother’s death, I thought I was going crazy.  I couldn’t read a page without feeling like I’d lost my mind. Because when I got to the end of the page I no longer remembered what I’d just read. I forgot characters’ names, locations, and just couldn’t hold on…

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Grief does change shape

In the early weeks and months after my mother died, I felt like I was walking around without skin. Everything hurt. The pain of loss was excruciating. I felt confused, disoriented, and ungrounded.  It was the first time in life that I felt totally alone. Not just because my mother had died, but because I…

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