When we’re grieving a loss, our mind is constantly scanning for where the Exit signs are. We don’t like where we are and we can’t wait to leave that place and get to a better-feeling place. Questions, questions, and more questions jostle for space inside our head.
- How quickly can I move past this?
- What’s the easiest way to move through these yucky emotions?
- How can I feel better faster?
And we begin our education about healing from grief and loss...because we were never taught this very necessary life skill. Books, podcasts, YouTube videos...we consume greedily, hungry for salvation.
- We learn about the five stages of grief.
- We discover that our reptilian brain is in fight or flight mode.
- We believe what we read about how the second year feels lighter when compared to the first.
We can’t wait to get to 2022 because we believe we will be feeling much better then. Life becomes all about running away from where we are, and toward a future where we’re more healed and whole.
What if you could let go of the need for a clear path...and let grief be a walk in the wilderness that it is? Allow yourself to be exactly where you are without putting any pressure on yourself about how you should be. Let grief guide you on this path. One day you may be crying buckets of tears. The next day you may feel a ray of hope in your heart. The third day you feel a little numb.
Just let it be.
What if you let the path unfold and get to where it’s taking you instead of needing to know how many miles you still have to cover? If you didn’t have to know how many more months it’s going to take for you to feel better, and when you’re going to finally be happy again, would that be the worst?
So much of the tension in the grieving process comes from our need to “figure it all out.” We’re attached to specific outcomes. And when what we desire doesn’t match with what the universe brings to us, we suffer.
Grief can’t be figured out. It can only be lived. Can you make peace with this?