“How do I get over the loss of my loved one?”

Many of my clients struggle with this one. There seems to be a belief that there is a destination called “getting over” that we’re heading to. Not true.

Here’s the harsh, cold, truth of reality. You won’t ever get over it. Nor do you have to.

But you do have to honor it. That means make room for it in your heart, create a loving and compassionate space for it, and allow it to change you for the better.

Here are five tips to help you make peace with your pain:

  1. Open yourself up to how nature works. This will help you see that everything in nature undergoes the cycles of birth, maturity, aging, death, and rebirth. We are all part of this cycle too and cannot escape it. When we work in harmony with this law, we ease into acceptance even when we’re grieving.
  2. Be present to the ones who are still with you. It is easy to forget those we love who are still in our lives as we constantly mourn those who have died or left us. Remind yourself how lucky you are to have friends, family, supportive neighbors, and caring coworkers who are still a part of your life. Never forget to tell them how much they mean to you.
  3. Find people who can sit with you in the fire of loss. Not everyone can take the heat. Sometimes you may need to find a new tribe of folks who know what it is to be in pain and not rush you, judge you, or abandon you. These folks will understand and embrace you for who you are NOW. Let the old go, let the new emerge.
  4. Allow yourself to feel. Cry. Rant. Punch a pillow. Journal. Whatever helps, do it. What helped today may not work tomorrow. Ask the question of what seems most healing to your heart each new day. Then go do it.
  5. Give to another what you seek. Whether it is love, money, companionship, or a listening ear, the universe will send you exactly what you need when you can become the source of it for someone else. Service releases dopamine, the feel-good hormone, into your bloodstream and lifts your mood. The spiritual and emotional benefits are many. What you send out boomerangs right back to you.

Which one of these ideas most appeals to you? What are you willing to try?


  1. maria abrahamsson on June 14, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    I just love this: “But you do have to honor it. That means make room for it in your heart, create a loving and compassionate space for it, and allow it to change you for the better.” So true, and so beautiful.

    Thanks also for your helpful and doable tips, Uma – they all resonate with me. And I so believe in #1 – nature is the most amazing guide.

    Thanks so much for this post.❤️

    • Uma Girish on June 18, 2018 at 4:02 pm

      Thank you, Maria, for your feedback. It is my intention to serve my people with useful and doable tips that empower and change lives.

  2. Robin Montesano on June 15, 2018 at 8:58 am

    Very good wisdom, and practice. I find the older you get, the more difficult it is to find others to sit with you in the fire of loss. Pity and sympathy are not the empathy required. I lost my health, but you are right, no getting over it. I lost the love of my life; the same. I’ve lost my children for a time, and fought years to reconcile exactly because there is no getting over that pain. I’m about to lose an estranged father as he transitions. His abandonedment of me i work daily to try and get over, but it is a struggle. I opened my heart to remember the times that he was a father who wasn’t selfish, so I can live with this loss. Living with large and consistent loss has been helped by meditation.

    • Uma Girish on June 18, 2018 at 4:01 pm

      You’re right, Robin. Pity and sympathy are not empathy. You’ve suffered so many losses. Watching your father transition and deal with all the emotions that surface about your abandonment are a real challenge. Please reach out if you need any kind of support. Bravo! You’re a true warrior.

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